I’d
like to draw attention to the Mormon women identity that is prominent in the
church. A Mormon woman gets married young and in the temple. She has many
children and then stays home to raise them. None of those things are bad. What’s
bad is that this template for a successful and happy life is engrained in girls
from the time they start primary.
I remember Young Woman lessons
teaching of marriage and families. My teacher would place a picture of her own
temple wedding on the table and tell us how within the next five to ten years
that would be us. She would teach of how nothing could ever replicate the joy
of becoming a mother and how no career could replace the memories of staying
home and raising your children. The problem with what was repeatedly impressed
upon me while I grew up wasn’t that it was wrong, it simply did not account for
all the twists and turns that mortality throws on us. Many women will not marry
young, may not be able to have children, or may have to work.
If a woman is unable to achieve the Mormon
ideal that was impressed upon her she feels like she has failed. If
she doesn’t get married, she feels as though something must be wrong with her.
If she can’t have children she feels like she can no longer have this “irreplaceable
joy” that children bring. If she must work she fears that her children will
suffer the consequences of not having a mother at home.
Logically,
we know that this is not true, and we recognize that every person will face trials
and uncontrollable circumstances. So why is it that we immediately judge an
unmarried graduate of BYU as flawed and look down upon the young couple in our
wards who are without children? Why is it that the children of the woman who
works are “deprived” in our minds? It is for the very same reason that woman
who do not achieve the “Mormon woman identity” feel like they have failed. Culturally,
it is all we are taught.
In
order to change this view, we need to change our culture to be more like that
of the gospel doctrine. Young Women need to be taught the become women like the
one in Proverbs 31. We need to emphasis that The Family: A Proclamation to the
World states that “individual adaption” is acceptable under circumstances. We
need to stop teaching and expecting life to simply follow the path we set out
for it.
Great point! It is definitely mormon culture. I like that the primary teaches about eternal life and temple marriage, but that should not be our point in life for years and years afterwards!
ReplyDeleteI love this. There's definitely a big cultural problem in this issue, and it's great that you're going to write about it! Like Julia said, it's good to teach about the importance of these things, but it's equally as important to make sure people know that it's not going to be on the same timetable for everyone. God has individual plans for us, not the same plan for everyone!
ReplyDeleteI think there is a real need for more non-discriminatory thinking like this within the church. I think the problem you may run into is finding data to establish your credibility. Your argument is completely valid, but it is viewed through the lens of a very specific group. I think specificity in data will be required.
ReplyDeleteYou made a great point that I hadn't previously considered and I agree with you! We should be slow to judge others because what is right for some people is not right for others. In your last paragraph, you say that women should be more like the women describe in Proverbs 31. I think it would be helpful to expound upon that since some readers might not know what qualities and characteristics that chapter discusses.
ReplyDelete